Transitions

I love the Navy, I love my job.

I love that everyday when I wake up, I have a routine, a purpose, an objective that serves the interest of somebody other than myself. Yes, it’s not easy and much of the time I feel like by the sea is where my home truly is.

Which is where the problem comes in.

I no longer know how it’s like to simply enjoy being at home, with friends and with family – it just doesn’t make sense. Especially when I’m home with my family.

I feel like every time I’m back home, it’s a burdensome experience. I don’t like being pampered by my parents, being bought food for, being asked about every little thing, having to tell them every single thing I do – like ok, I’d rather just be back in camp then here.

Am I just being ungrateful? I know that my parents love me and that over the many years of my life, they have toiled hard (and are still doing so) to provide for the family, to make sure that we grow up safe and that we are given the opportunity to be the best that we can be. Sure, we may not lead a comfortable life, but there is always so much more to be thankful for.

But, I just can’t seem to love my parents in return. Maybe I don’t know how or deep inside, I really don’t want to and I just don’t know why.

I don’t want to be the son who abandons his parents to pursue his own life, that’s not right in all levels, that’s just not human. But at the same time, I want to be able to lead my own life, to make my own decisions and to fight my own battles. I know that the key to this is communication, but it’s just so hard.

Some times I think that it’s just a phase… well maybe. But I guess, I’ll just have to try harder to overcome this new challenge that I have been faced with.

To love the ones who gave me life, to love the ones who love me more than life – for them I will try.

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